Booze, Cigars, Jokes, Laughter

Bran Muffins

Comments Off on Bran Muffins 21 February 2013

Cartoon-heaven-gates-272An elderly 85-year-old couple had been married for 60 years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Although not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, sadly they both died in an accident, and were sent off to heaven, where St. Peter escorted them through the Pearly Gates, and into a waiting limousine. Driving through beautiful countryside they drove up at a magnificent mansion and were shown inside. It was furnished in gold and fine silks, with a beautifully appointed kitchen with wonderful food, a sumptuous lounge, a humidor full of the finest cigars, and a fully stocked bar with every drink imaginable… there was even a waterfall in the master bathroom. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when St. Peter said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.”

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “remember, this is your reward in Heaven.”

The old man looked out of the window and saw a spectacular championship golf course.
“What are the green fees?” he asked suspiciously.

“This is heaven,” St Peter replied, “You can play for free whenever you wish.”

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine and drinks laid out before them.

Anticipating the old man’s next question, St Peter said, “Don’t ask, this is heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.”

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?” he asked.

“This is heaven. You can eat and drink as much as you like, and you will never get fat or sick.”

“I don’t need to go to the gym?” the old man pressed.

“Not unless you want to,” St Peter replied.

“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…”

“Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”

The old man glared at his wife, “You and your bloody bran muffins. We could have been here 10 years ago!”


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