by Christine Macdonald
There’s no easy way to say this, so here goes: I’ve faked it.
Yes, it’s true. On a handful of occasions in my twenties, I made the noises, did my Kiegels and whispered those two words every lover wants to hear in the heat of passion.
What I was thinking was another story entirely.
Before I get hate mail from past lovers, let me just say I take complete responsibility for my sexual ruse.
And if you’ve ever discovered a lover has faked their orgasm with you, let me propose a new way of handling it. Instead of thinking you weren’t worthy of the earth moving, take it as a compliment that we cared enough to perform such a selfless (albeit codependent) act of passion.
Not buying it? Here are some more reasons:
We are trying to be nice
Most women tend to be nurturing and as a result, we are natural people-pleasers. When it comes to naked playtime, faking it is often times considered the nice thing to do, especially if we’re tired and know how hard you are working. We think this is getting nowhere and start in on the performance of our lives. What we really should be thinking about are ways to communicate how you can help get our motor running.
It’s no secret we all want to measure up in the sack. We fantasize about being told we’re the best and no one could possibly compare. The truth is while most of us aim for fireworks, sometimes the chemistry just isn’t right and we end up with sparklers. While sparklers are fun, they don’t make for a rockin’ Fourth of July. Fakers wouldn’t dare complain about sparklers because, really, who wants to ruin a perfectly good holiday?
We suffer low self-esteem
Psychological studies show that codependent women have a higher percentage rate of faking it than any other type of personality. This is due to the fact that we not only want to please our lovers, but we are willing to give up on our own pleasure to do so.
I grew up with low self-esteem and as a result, was a codependent lover. I used to think if I can make him believe he’s really rocking my world, he’ll really want me – which is sad when you think about it. The funny thing is, those one-night-stands always fled and probably could care less if I faked it or not.
We love you
In my thirties, I settled down with a great man. He was smart and funny and we had undeniable chemistry. While I found myself faking it less and less, I still threw the occasional oh yes! in the mix when I knew it just wasn’t going to happen. So why did I pull the wool over my loving man’s eyes? I loved him too much to let him believe he wasn’t the best. The problem was, I didn’t love myself enough to talk with him about the missing piece of our love puzzle.
Breaking the cycle
Years ago, after my love affair with Puzzle Man, I discovered something about myself. Through therapy and learning I was worthy, I finally believed it. This new self-assurance transcended to the bedroom and I never looked back.
It’s been years since I’ve lived in the land of fakers, and I am happy to share my experiences. Let it be known, there are many reasons women fake it, and lovers, some may not have anything to do with you.