Sometimes it’s hard to understand exactly what a doctor is saying. Therefore, we present these translations of what the doctor really means when he says…
Doctor: “This should be taken care of right away.”
Translation: I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
Doctor: “Let me check your medical history.”
Translation: I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.”
Doctor: “We have some good news and some bad news.”
Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
Doctor: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
Doctor: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
Translation: I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
Doctor: “I’d like to run some more tests.”
Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.