“Marriage Definitions” for the less than happily married:
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device that permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
~Socrates (469 BC-399 BC) Greek philosopher