Dating and Relationships, Enjoyment, Sex

21 Ways to Get Your Sexy Back

Comments Off on 21 Ways to Get Your Sexy Back 29 May 2010

Sexiness isn’t something you just turn on and off. You have to cultivate it, get in touch with your body. Once you tap in to your sensuality, a great sex life — and a positive new outlook — are just around the corner.

WebMD Feature from Redbook Magazine
By Colleen Oakley

You used to want to have sex. A lot. There was a time when you couldn’t wait to rip your guy’s clothes off, when you felt empowered and excited by the mere thought of a bedroom romp. Ah, the good ol’ days. Recently, however, it seems that watching American Idol — or watching paint dry — are more appealing options than getting it on with your fella. Whatever happened to that sexy, flirtatious girl you used to know? Don’t worry — she’s still in there.

While many of us blame kids, bills, or work and say we don’t have the time or energy to get sexual, we’re actually missing the real cause of the cool-down, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less. “One of the main reasons I’ve found that women don’t want to have sex is that they don’t feel as sexy as they used to,” he says. Unfortunately, feeling sexy isn’t something you can just conjure up at a moment’s notice. “Women have to transition between the mother who’s taking care of everything to the seductive wife, and that doesn’t happen in an instant,” Haltzman says. “It takes work.”

You can find the time to get your sexy back. The first step? Retrain your brain. “Change the way you think about sex,” suggests Haltzman. “Most women think of sex as something he gets and you give. Instead, think of yourself as being the receiver or the lucky one.” Once you start seeing sex as a treat for you, you can tune in to other sensual treats in your daily life. And getting in touch with feel-good sights, sounds, and experiences will make you feel more confident and vibrant. Soon, you’ll open yourself up to feeling sexy and attractive — and you’ll actually want to have sex (dishes be damned!). Then you can start reveling in all the rewards a healthy sex life can bring: a tighter bond with your husband; less stress, tension, and anxiety; and a rosier outlook on life. Not to mention, when you’re having good sex on a regular basis, you feel sexier. It’s a cycle — one that you can kick-start now to cast a positive halo over every area of your life, including your friendships, your job, and your self-confidence. Here are 21 ways to tap in to your sensual self — and start reaping the benefits tonight:

1. Focus on the last time. Taking just five minutes out of your busy day to replay the specifics of your last really great sexual encounter will whet your appetite, says Gail Saltz, Ph.D., the author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life. Think about your pleasure: how it made you feel — and how you want to feel that way again.

2. Touch yourself. (No, we don’t mean that way, but that’s not a bad idea either.) Take the time after a hot shower to massage your body with lotion, instead of just slapping it on. Or give yourself a relaxing neck rub. “I brush my skin with a soft brush every morning when I wake up,” says Mary McGuire-Wien, of New York City. “It makes my skin feel much more alive.”

3. Watch something hot. Does Brad Pitt do it for you? Be sure to add Troy to your Netflix queue. Or the movie that you and your husband saw on your fifth date… and didn’t quite make it all the way through. Women are visual creatures (just like men), and when you give your eyes a sensual treat, it will reignite your flames of desire.

4. Throw away the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Comparing yourself to unrealistic body ideals is a surefire way to feel unsexy. Remove these images from your life as much as you possibly can (as in, turn off The Bachelor and all those size 0 bikini bodies). When you do see them, remind yourself that these body types are un-attainable. And that yours is just fine, thank you very much.

5. Ditch the sweats. “If sweats have become your standard after-work uniform, then you are unlikely to feel sexy,” says Sari Locker, the author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. You don’t have to wear fishnets, “but buy some clothes that make you feel sexy when you’re lounging, even if that’s just a silky camisole and leggings.”

6. Get away. Take a walk or plan a girls’ night out. “When I do something just for me, it’s easier to remember who I was before I was a wife and mom,” says Megan Barner, of Charlotte, NC. “After I spend time with friends, my husband says I come back a new woman.”

7. Exercise. There are a million reasons to hit the gym — lose weight, lower stress — but the best one is to boost your sexiness. Sweat releases endorphins, giving you a natural high. “When I feel low, I hit the gym,” says Jaime Sarrio, of Nashville. “I feel strong and sexy after a run on the treadmill or a weight-lifting session.”

8. Get nostalgic. Joanne Rock, of Peru, NY, creates lustful playlists that remind her of when she was falling in love with her husband. “Hearing those tunes sends my thoughts to sexy places,” she says. Or take out photos from when you two first started dating. Remember that wanton lust that overcame both of you? Trust us, it’s still there.

9. Make your most beautiful feature pop. Play up your eyes with a new eyeliner, or try a different gloss on your lips. Or, if you normally go natural, put on a little concealer. “When you feel beautiful, you feel sensual,” says Debbie Mandel, the author of Turn On Your Inner Light. Take the extra three or four minutes to primp yourself and feel pretty — just for you.

10. Buy new underthings. Throw away those ripped, faded, you’ve-had-them-for-four-years granny panties and invest in some new underwear. The sexier, the better — but G-strings aren’t required. New bikinis, boy shorts, or even basic briefs can make you feel special.

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